Ready to crash
Man, it's been a long day. Got a lot of stuff done around the house getting ready for 'the arrival' (play Star Wars "Imperial March" theme here) of Stacey's parents...heh. I don't know if I'm excited about it or want to move to Tibet and become one of those monks who live up on the mountains and meditate all day in solitude...
It's a toss up.
Band practice tonight was LONG. Wow. I'm worn out. Took me forever to get all my crap hooked up for some reason tonight. It's my fault, bringing out the keyboard. But sheesh. Not quite a clockwork procedure yet. I bought a new direct box, a new mic cable, and still came up short on what I needed to make it work.
We hammered through the songs, maybe some of them in more detail about transitions and stuff than normal, but I hope it was worth it.
Lately, it's really been weighing on me about the responsibility of being a worship leader. That week after week, people look to me (and the band) to lead them in worship of God (at least the singing part of that). And there have been weeks I feel like I'm just going through the motions, more worried about transitions, chord changes, and the in-ear monitor mix than I am actually exalting God in my own heart. It's evident that most of our conversation sometimes even only evaluates worship from a standpoint of "How did it sound?" rather than "Was God worshipped?"
-sigh-
It's not about us. It's about Him. It's about the crowd that looks up to us. I find myself having to examine my impatience, my cynicism, and even my own temper in dealing with preparing for worship. I can get so caught up in trying to put it all together and keep it together, that I often get overwhelmed and find that I feel like I'm not worshipping on Sunday morning, but simply trying to make sure that others are. I guess I need to dump this baggage. Who cares if the crowd's not engaging it? Who cares if even the person onstage next to me isn't worshipping? Well, I do feel partly responsible since I'm supposed to be leading them. But I'm not leading them if I'm not worshipping myself...if I do that, I'm a fraud. So I've got to reprioritize.
I've never been a part of any band that didn't have problems with distraction, lack of preparation, conflict (to varying degrees), and, simply, a lack of 'passion' for God that's more than just going through the motions. In my own life, I go in and out of phases that contain these elements more often than I want to admit. There are times when I just want to scream about it...
But there are also times where it all clicks. And it's more than hitting the right notes. It's simply an awareness of God being in the room, even if the sound or tempo or the words on the screen were 'off.'
Worship can't be about us. It's not, "Look at ME, I'm in the band." It's not, "I can't hear myself loud enough in the monitor." It's not, "I'm too busy to practice."
It's something we ought to pour into - way beyond the singing. Can we/do we worship God beyond the walls of the church? I did today just listening to a song Eric clued me into by Lifehouse called, "Come Back Down." The moment caught me off guard, too. One minute I'm just listening to a cool song, the next I find myself spiritually engaged in the moment...letting the music and the words speak to my heart.
Isn't leading others in worship simply sharing an experience of worshipping God WITH others?
Man, it's so simple. Why complicate it?
It's a toss up.
Band practice tonight was LONG. Wow. I'm worn out. Took me forever to get all my crap hooked up for some reason tonight. It's my fault, bringing out the keyboard. But sheesh. Not quite a clockwork procedure yet. I bought a new direct box, a new mic cable, and still came up short on what I needed to make it work.
We hammered through the songs, maybe some of them in more detail about transitions and stuff than normal, but I hope it was worth it.
Lately, it's really been weighing on me about the responsibility of being a worship leader. That week after week, people look to me (and the band) to lead them in worship of God (at least the singing part of that). And there have been weeks I feel like I'm just going through the motions, more worried about transitions, chord changes, and the in-ear monitor mix than I am actually exalting God in my own heart. It's evident that most of our conversation sometimes even only evaluates worship from a standpoint of "How did it sound?" rather than "Was God worshipped?"
-sigh-
It's not about us. It's about Him. It's about the crowd that looks up to us. I find myself having to examine my impatience, my cynicism, and even my own temper in dealing with preparing for worship. I can get so caught up in trying to put it all together and keep it together, that I often get overwhelmed and find that I feel like I'm not worshipping on Sunday morning, but simply trying to make sure that others are. I guess I need to dump this baggage. Who cares if the crowd's not engaging it? Who cares if even the person onstage next to me isn't worshipping? Well, I do feel partly responsible since I'm supposed to be leading them. But I'm not leading them if I'm not worshipping myself...if I do that, I'm a fraud. So I've got to reprioritize.
I've never been a part of any band that didn't have problems with distraction, lack of preparation, conflict (to varying degrees), and, simply, a lack of 'passion' for God that's more than just going through the motions. In my own life, I go in and out of phases that contain these elements more often than I want to admit. There are times when I just want to scream about it...
But there are also times where it all clicks. And it's more than hitting the right notes. It's simply an awareness of God being in the room, even if the sound or tempo or the words on the screen were 'off.'
Worship can't be about us. It's not, "Look at ME, I'm in the band." It's not, "I can't hear myself loud enough in the monitor." It's not, "I'm too busy to practice."
It's something we ought to pour into - way beyond the singing. Can we/do we worship God beyond the walls of the church? I did today just listening to a song Eric clued me into by Lifehouse called, "Come Back Down." The moment caught me off guard, too. One minute I'm just listening to a cool song, the next I find myself spiritually engaged in the moment...letting the music and the words speak to my heart.
Isn't leading others in worship simply sharing an experience of worshipping God WITH others?
Man, it's so simple. Why complicate it?
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