Change of Seasons, Part 2
Too long I've wanted the world around me to change. Too long have I focused so much on the 'poo' around me over the years...so much that I've failed to deal with the 'poo' on the inside.
(If you don't think "poo" is a manly word, then you're a Nazi in semantics)
So much stress. So much worry. So much...dissatisfaction...with so many things: everything from train wrecks I've been a part of on my career path to the fact that I'm don't quite have the respect and influence among friends and others I've had the privilege of leading/working with over the years.
At times, I've raised my hands up in a frustrated prayer nearly screaming, "Why couldn't things have worked out differently? Why can't things be different now? Why am I not any different?"
In all my circumstances, have I grown? Have I become a better decision maker? Have I become a better Christ-follower?
Or am I still just the same old me. Or maybe I'm even worse than the same old me. More bitter. Less patient. More self-focused. I'm starting to have a problem with that possibility.
My passions are music, video games, movies, getting outdoors, mountain biking, hanging out with friends. Those are the first things that come to mind.
And even though I like these things, these are not the things that change my world. These are not the things that make a difference in...anything. Maybe they could be launch points into deep, influential friendships, but usually they're nothing more than diversions.
And as I list my passions, I can't help but notice that I haven't mentioned 2 very important things: God and my family.
When I think about them, I'm briefly like, "Oh, yeah. Duh. I care about those, too."
Do I? If so, am I letting that passion develop and override all the others?
What is it that drives me these days?
I blog and speak about mission all the time. I write exhaustive diatribes about worship and mission and purpose and harmony and other church-related things that seem to impart wisdom but, in reality, just add to the noise of so many opinions of what to do and how to do things of God.
But I do not live it. I could list the reasons why at length: A heart hardened after past years of burnout; a character flaw to try to keep things peaceful and harmonious even at the detriment of the very mission I do love so much (deep down); the simple fact that I spend so much of my time doing nothing than doing something.
My passion should be for Christ. I should have a never-die passion for Christ's lordship in my life and for the countless people who simply do not know Christ.
That passion ought to motivate every fiber of my being. That ought to drive me in the way I lead, the way I spend time with my friends, and the way I act when I'm home alone and no one is watching. It ought to drive my conversations about church or even casual 'hellos' exchanged with people I meet at EBgames as I'm purchasing yet another waste of time in a jewel case.
How can I make a difference if I'm not different? How can I lead others if Christ isn't leading me? How can I know which way to go if I'm not completely sold out to THE WAY?
If I'm part of Christ's body, then it's up to me to move. I am, by proxy, part of the vessel through whom Jesus continues to work in the world. I need to be about seeing Christ and being Christ.
In a book I'm reading, I read this profound passage...and it's been itching in my brain all morning:
"As truth becomes something other than truth without love, and vice verse, I cannot recognize where Christ is present and the Holy Spirit is at work unless I am willing to be truly present as Jesus to someone, with all the personal investment and vulnerability that implies. Think of what it cost Jesus to be present with me! Neither can I hope to truly be his presence, whether proclaiming the good news, modeling his love, or standing for truth, unless I recognize that he is already there and active--that he got there ahead of me--and I open myself in humility to behold him. My capactity to be the presence of Christ in the world is dependent upon my willingness to see his presence also.
If I seek to act as a member of the body of Christ, his proxy physical presence in the world, and eagerly seeek him as the one who has promised to be "in the midst," I am submitting myself to a course of spiritual discipline. A discipline is what is required of disciples: a deliberate choice, or series of choices, to follow and emulate the Master."
- Greg Paul, "God in the Alley"
What am I deliberate about when I wake up in the morning? On a good day, I do as little as what needs to be done to qualify as serving and accomplishing the tasks on my plate. On a bad day, I simply put it all off.
No more.
Jesus ought to be the center of my being. I ought to care about what he cares about. Do what he does. Feel what he feels. Live as he lived (and still lives). Spend my time as he would spend his time. Love who he loves. Forgive as he does.
I've got to remove the filters from my eyes that only let me see him where I want to see him. I've got to start seeing him where he is: In something as simple as a sunrise to something as challenging as that moment where some poor guy comes up to us at church begging for money for gas which is probably money for liquor.
I've got to remove the barriers of habit and attitude that also keep me from being Christ to people. I ought to have a servant heart. I ought to be connecting with people. I ought to be helping people. I ought to be following Christ, leading others to do the same. I even need to dare sharing the wounds of wounded people...on my knees...but never swerving from Christ's love for them.
Seeing Christ. Being Christ. Instead of only being and seeing me.
If I'm not seeing him, maybe I'm not being him. If I'm not being him, maybe I'm not seeing him.
Is Jesus my everything?
Is it possible that I can finally move forward? That I can finally drop to my knees again before God as the shame of my life is removed and the joy of his grace picks me up yet again and reminds me what I'm supposed to be?
My God!! I hope it is...
(If you don't think "poo" is a manly word, then you're a Nazi in semantics)
So much stress. So much worry. So much...dissatisfaction...with so many things: everything from train wrecks I've been a part of on my career path to the fact that I'm don't quite have the respect and influence among friends and others I've had the privilege of leading/working with over the years.
At times, I've raised my hands up in a frustrated prayer nearly screaming, "Why couldn't things have worked out differently? Why can't things be different now? Why am I not any different?"
In all my circumstances, have I grown? Have I become a better decision maker? Have I become a better Christ-follower?
Or am I still just the same old me. Or maybe I'm even worse than the same old me. More bitter. Less patient. More self-focused. I'm starting to have a problem with that possibility.
My passions are music, video games, movies, getting outdoors, mountain biking, hanging out with friends. Those are the first things that come to mind.
And even though I like these things, these are not the things that change my world. These are not the things that make a difference in...anything. Maybe they could be launch points into deep, influential friendships, but usually they're nothing more than diversions.
And as I list my passions, I can't help but notice that I haven't mentioned 2 very important things: God and my family.
When I think about them, I'm briefly like, "Oh, yeah. Duh. I care about those, too."
Do I? If so, am I letting that passion develop and override all the others?
What is it that drives me these days?
I blog and speak about mission all the time. I write exhaustive diatribes about worship and mission and purpose and harmony and other church-related things that seem to impart wisdom but, in reality, just add to the noise of so many opinions of what to do and how to do things of God.
But I do not live it. I could list the reasons why at length: A heart hardened after past years of burnout; a character flaw to try to keep things peaceful and harmonious even at the detriment of the very mission I do love so much (deep down); the simple fact that I spend so much of my time doing nothing than doing something.
My passion should be for Christ. I should have a never-die passion for Christ's lordship in my life and for the countless people who simply do not know Christ.
That passion ought to motivate every fiber of my being. That ought to drive me in the way I lead, the way I spend time with my friends, and the way I act when I'm home alone and no one is watching. It ought to drive my conversations about church or even casual 'hellos' exchanged with people I meet at EBgames as I'm purchasing yet another waste of time in a jewel case.
How can I make a difference if I'm not different? How can I lead others if Christ isn't leading me? How can I know which way to go if I'm not completely sold out to THE WAY?
If I'm part of Christ's body, then it's up to me to move. I am, by proxy, part of the vessel through whom Jesus continues to work in the world. I need to be about seeing Christ and being Christ.
In a book I'm reading, I read this profound passage...and it's been itching in my brain all morning:
"As truth becomes something other than truth without love, and vice verse, I cannot recognize where Christ is present and the Holy Spirit is at work unless I am willing to be truly present as Jesus to someone, with all the personal investment and vulnerability that implies. Think of what it cost Jesus to be present with me! Neither can I hope to truly be his presence, whether proclaiming the good news, modeling his love, or standing for truth, unless I recognize that he is already there and active--that he got there ahead of me--and I open myself in humility to behold him. My capactity to be the presence of Christ in the world is dependent upon my willingness to see his presence also.
If I seek to act as a member of the body of Christ, his proxy physical presence in the world, and eagerly seeek him as the one who has promised to be "in the midst," I am submitting myself to a course of spiritual discipline. A discipline is what is required of disciples: a deliberate choice, or series of choices, to follow and emulate the Master."
- Greg Paul, "God in the Alley"
What am I deliberate about when I wake up in the morning? On a good day, I do as little as what needs to be done to qualify as serving and accomplishing the tasks on my plate. On a bad day, I simply put it all off.
No more.
Jesus ought to be the center of my being. I ought to care about what he cares about. Do what he does. Feel what he feels. Live as he lived (and still lives). Spend my time as he would spend his time. Love who he loves. Forgive as he does.
I've got to remove the filters from my eyes that only let me see him where I want to see him. I've got to start seeing him where he is: In something as simple as a sunrise to something as challenging as that moment where some poor guy comes up to us at church begging for money for gas which is probably money for liquor.
I've got to remove the barriers of habit and attitude that also keep me from being Christ to people. I ought to have a servant heart. I ought to be connecting with people. I ought to be helping people. I ought to be following Christ, leading others to do the same. I even need to dare sharing the wounds of wounded people...on my knees...but never swerving from Christ's love for them.
Seeing Christ. Being Christ. Instead of only being and seeing me.
If I'm not seeing him, maybe I'm not being him. If I'm not being him, maybe I'm not seeing him.
Is Jesus my everything?
Is it possible that I can finally move forward? That I can finally drop to my knees again before God as the shame of my life is removed and the joy of his grace picks me up yet again and reminds me what I'm supposed to be?
My God!! I hope it is...
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home