Saturday, November 26, 2005

Spewing pseudo-wisdom

So I want to start writing.

For real.

But what do I have to offer? What can I say that hasn't already been said (and lost amidst so many things being said by so many others)?

Am I wise? Or am I just opinionated? For that matter, why does anyone write?

Why do I feel like my thoughts even matter? Well, I could post a resume of my academic credentials followed by latin phrases of honor. I could reference some of the professors and other leaders who have filled my head with knowledge over the years. But doing so would truly just be a personal form of self-elevation to the status of "pompous ass."

Or I could just go all George Carlin on everyone and vent constantly about what's wrong with the world. F*** this. F*** that. I admit, part of me wants to do this every time I go to Wal-mart and have to deal with the crowd there...but to do that would also just be a way of being openly opinionated with some vulgarity thrown in to boot.

So why write?

Before I start such an endeavor, I want to make completely sure that I'm not just doing it just to vomit my opinions on the world. Inevitably, all writers do this to some degree. But in a world where it seems every human - from movie star to rock icon to former actors elected governors - somehow finds an open pulpit from which to vomit their opinions about everything from the war in Iraq to why "under God" should be taken out of the pledge of allegiance upon the world, I need to know why I want to write. If I don't examine my motives, then I'm literally just adding to the noise.

Or it's a gimmick to make money. Inevitably, all writers do this to some degree, too. At least, I know I hope someday I'll write something that will merit a check. I don't care how much. Just ot know someone liked what I had to say well enough to buy it. But if I'm doing it all for money, then writing loses the passion inherent within it. But then I'm back to the whole opinionated thing, I guess...

...

It's a conundrum for me. But if you like smaller words than conundrum, just insert "mess" in place of that word in the last sentence.

Why write at all, then?

Over the past...let's say, 15 years of my life...I've experienced a lot of things. Before that, my background was relatively boring. Who would read a headline like, "Church boy grows up in church and goes to college" and want to read the article?

I wouldn't. Maybe that's why I block out a lot of my pre-18-year-old experiences. I could argue that there were good times with friends, family, and church in there, but if I have to argue for their excitement, they're not worth writing about.

But since I turned 18....whoa...lots of fun stuff...lots of scary stuff...lots of painful stuff...lots of joy, too. Good friends, bad friends. Good bosses, bad bosses. (I'll wait to start writing to go into all of it).

Point is...I want to have more than just an opinion. I want to be able to look at my experiences, draw upon what I've learned, and share those things in the hopes that people might identify with those experiences. That's it. Maybe I help them, too. Maybe I don't, but even then...maybe I give them someone to resonate with. Maybe I'll offend people, but that, too, is something I think writers secretly (or openly) aspire to do. Dialogue can begin when you offend someone, right?

The last book I just read was about a person sharing his experiences about God, family, love, church, etc. It was not a theological treatise on those subjects. It was simply an account of his experiences and what he learned in those experiences... And I resonated with this book completely. I walked away thinking, "I wish more people could see what this writer sees...so that our world...our churches...our families...might function more realistically and better in the long run."

That is why I want to write. Maybe there is something valuable in my experiences and the pseudo-wisdom I've gained from those experiences. Maybe not. Readers decide that, I guess.

But maybe...I just like to write. Maybe I want to learn how to use words like an artist uses a paintbrush. Maybe I should be a poet. Or a lyricist. Or a novelist. Maybe all of the above. I guess the true challenge is to weave all that together...

Nah...the true challenge will be getting people to read anything I write in the first place.

Oy vey.

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