So, where have I been?

1. Survived Thanksgiving. Well, there wasn't much to survive. Our dinner of Stacey, me, Kailyn, and J-mo was certainly not the community meeting of 37 that Heavy E attended... Still, we put a lot of work into the food, and it all turned out okay... Turkey, ham, corn casserole, green bean casserole, rolls...mmm... It was nice to stay home and not have to hit the road this year...

2. Kailyn has been pretty sick these past few days. At Ruby Tuesdays on Friday night, she was acting fussy...got home, found out she had a fever of 103.6. Hmm...That would last through Monday (and possibly longer...the fever's gone, but her throat obviously hurts). A trip to the doctor was a $10 outing (thank god for insurance) to find out that I just needed to do what we were already doing for her. Even today, she's on/off on how she feels...

3. Sunday... Wow, Sunday was busy. 6 songs + a message. Wow, when that morning was over, I felt like I'd been run over by a truck. Took a much-needed afternoon nap, then hooked up with smallgroup.bak over at Macaroni Grill in Huntsville. Chicken Cannelloni...good stuff.

4. Thank God for Stacey this weekend. I was busy running around doing all sorts of things, and she just patiently stayed with Kailyn, who - needless to say - was way beyond 'clingy.'

5. On a less important note...I beat Half Life 2 last night. As not to spoil anything, I won't say details...except that a Half Life 3 is inevitable. Long, fun game... well worth the $$ spent.

- Back to working, decorating, cleaning, childcare...maybe squeeze in some Halo 2 time after band practice tonight...:-)

Rated M for mature...

As I parouse friends' blogs, my only thoughts as I sit down to type at my own are: "Kailyn, go play." "What I wouldn't give for a few seconds of peace and quiet." I feel like going deep...like contemplating some great truth of the universe or something, but find that I can't. I feel like the kid at the pool trying to swim in the deep end but just can't go underwater because the floaties of life are keeping me shallow.

So, no deep thoughts. No great personal revelations. No words of pseudo-wisdom to impart.

So, what do I blog about?

Hmmm...

How about Half Life 2? Half Life 2 owns me. So far, it's worth all the hype it's generated. Too...much...to...talk about. Other than a couple of technical 'bugs' in the game, it's proven to be the best-ever first person shooter game I've ever played. I'm a headcrab killin, ant lion herding, Combine crushing force to be reckoned with. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, you either are just not a PC gamer OR...you have a life...which I don't, apparently...

I've enjoyed sitting here listening to the thunder outside and relaxing. Sometimes storms are calming things for me. I dunno why. Then again, the significance of the moment was crushed by the sudden whir of the washing machine Stacey decided to start and the constant attention rants of my daughter. -Sigh- Such is life, though, ain't it? Barely enough time to pause and marvel at part of God's creation before some created part of it interferes. Like a boob who walks into a picture you're trying to take, I guess...

Had to unplug the TV and the main PC upstairs...just to be on the safe side with all the lightning in the area. So if the dryer wasn't running and my kid could ignore the thunder and go to sleep, maybe I COULD find the peace and quiet I want to find tonight...

Maybe that is the point... In the chaos of life, finding time to shut down the noise can be almost impossible. Especially with a 2 year old. My life is...watch Kailyn all day, then spend time with Stacey and Kailyn at night. I have hardly any time to myself, except for the brief moments in the afternoon around 4:00 when Stacey's not home yet and Kailyn's napping. But that's like an hour, and that's it...and even then, I usually wind up just finishing some project I couldn't finish with Kailyn running around. Then I stay up late to play a game or watch stupid late night talk shows...just to wind down...

I need to find time for myself...just me and God. That's it. That's what I want. Time to just 'be still, and know he is God" (Ps. 46:10). I studied that verse years ago, and what amazes me the most is the tense of the verb. It would be better translated, "Be STILLED, and know that I am God." As if the 'stilling' is something we have to let God do to us, rather than simply do it ourselves. I guess God knows just how problematic this can be...

God, STILL me. Grab my attention. Yank me out of the mundaness of routine and the noise of habit and society. Shut my mouth.

So I can know you are God. And I'm not.

Don't blink...

Man...my daughter is a wonder to behold. I still get overwhelmed by the 'simplicity' of her existence. She's entertained by small things...like drinking straws and purses full of crayons.

And even the 'bling' of life barely phases her. For example, in spite of our huge TV and hi-tech system and hundreds (?) of movies to watch, for her it boils down to one thing: "Watch Shrek." Even then, she's only amused by the character of Shrek. The plot of the movie? Irrelevant. She can't comprehend it. She watches and says things like, "There's Shrek." "There's Fiona." or "Shrek fall down." LOL. It's a lot of fun to watch a movie for the umpteenth time with her just to see that...

Monday, she found a small pocket-size "The Message" translation of the Bible, and she's been carrying that around for days... She knows it's a Bible and she knows it's about "Zesus" (you should hear her say that).

I love my kid. As a parent, I feel I should be teaching her, but she teaches me more about life than I thought possible. For her, it's so easy. She doesn't get mad at people who cut mom or dad off in traffic. She doesn't overanalyze things people say like we do. She doesn't yet know animosity, baggage, or anything like that. And I love it. It's so simple for her. And a lesson for me.

And I know she loves me. When I get consumed by things like my own baggage or varying issues and don't feel like doing anything, she will actually come up to me, put her head down on my knee and ask, "Dadda all right?" And then, at that moment, I'm ashamed I've let things consume me...and awed by the caring actions from this small child who doesn't care about the issues but only cares that I'm obviously 'bothered' by something...

I could learn a lot from my kid...

It's all good...

Ahh...much goodness on this Sunday...

Recovered well from my Nashville trip yesterday. Managed to escape Guitar Center without buying more than few sets of strings and a mini boom mic stand to mic my guitar amp. Managed to escape Korner Music with nothing more than much-needed earpiece replacements for our in-ear monitors. Total spent? Less than $60.

Wait...we did 'splurge' at Joe's Crab Shack for lunch. D'oh. Sad when you spend as much on lunch for 3 as you do on music supplies. But...lobster...mmm...good...(I wipe drool off the keyboard at this point...)

Had good conversation with Jack S. on the way home from Nashville. Very refreshing to talk to someone older and on the 'other side' of a lot of life's issues. Not that he's issue-free by any stretch (by his own admission), but he's got a wisdom and insight into things that only comes through experience. I need to surround myself with people like that, too...so that I don't get self-consumed by my own 'arrogance,' I guess.

As usual, the music had its share of 'glitches' this morning. And, though others have made too much of my so-called 'Turret's' instance of trying to get J-mo to stop drumming where he was supposed to in one song, my first, more subtle 'wave' was not noticed, so my second has become blog-worthy. So much for the subtle suggestion...since it didn't work!! D'oh. I guess there's nothing wrong with singing 'holy, holy, holy' one more 'stanza' just to get it right :-)

But, asking "how did it sound" and "did everything go smoothly" is still just part of the equation. "Was God experience?" From what I hear, I think so. The message hit home for people. People connected well with some of the songs. Not us...a God-thing. And it's important for me to pause to see if this happened, 'cause sometimes - being in the band - it's so busy for us onstage that we can setup, play, sit down and stay too busy to notice anything God does. But good things seemed to happen this morning for many people, and that's worth pausing to celebrate...

After a nice lunch at Firehouse Subs, went BACK to church to rehearse for the VBC. Though Jack S. and Philip H. are still getting acquainted with the music, I can tell their talent and passion to serve will be more than enough for things to start to come together. I still can't believe how much Philip has helped us out over the past few months...and he doesn't even go to our church. Wow.

At small group tonight, it was awesome to have a small acoustic jam session. Kyle, Scott, and I played our 6- and 12- strings, while Eric played my acoustic bass and J-mo jammed on his (awesome) new djembe. After we got done playing a while...all I could think was, "how do we take this 'intimate' music/worship/fun experience to the crowd on Sunday a.m.? Sorry...always a bit ministry-oriented in my thoughts...

THEN...d'oh...we switched from art and talent to...Aqua Teen Hunger Force. oh...good...grief. Me now have IQ of hee-lee-um bulloon. But tur-neeng so stoopid wuz fun...'cuz me got 2 laff at meatwad and da floating talking french fries.

Props to Eli for calling me around 9:45 (after leaving small group) just to tell me she saw a new 2005 Mustang at Burger King. :-). After I also saw one on a truck on the interstate yesterday, I'm beginning to think the one could really be a nice replacement for the Expedition. Smaller...but... Aw...come on, it's a new Mustang that looks like a vintage Mustang. It's like the one in my garage...but with fuel injection...air bags...power features...better handling...and, they actually run :-\. It's NEW...not old. Well, mine does run, but I use the word 'run' lightly when I think about the knocking sound the engine makes...and the rust...and the redneck wheels...and the... how much are the new ones?

KEY PHRASES: "Kyle can sing???????? Who knew??" "Would waving my middle finger work better? (um...scratch that idea...then that really might be 'turretts.')." "What? You're leaving Birmingham? It all traces back to that lousy green bean bag, doesn't it? (i.e., "I've got a problem with that bean bag!"...yes, only Chad will laugh at this).

Zinged

Throat is sore today. Hopefully, it's just from straining my voice last night. No other symptoms, but I'm still spooked by my 'tired' funk earlier in the week...so who knows. I get sick, I'll cope.

I thought band practice went well last night...new songs and all. It lasted a long time, but things came together. I'm glad to see that. Whether others agree with me or not, I see it as a 'maturity' in our ability to not take the easy way out and sticking to nailing music down.

Afterwards, headed to O'Charley's with Jack, Eric, and the J-mo. Food was excellent...and it's much cheaper when I'm feeding just my own face, and not Stacey and Kailyn at the same time (Stacey chose to stay home and eat an earlier dinner). Waitress was 'entertaining.' Very alkative, but heck, building bridges with people is always a good thing...

KEY PHRASES: "Kyle DID show up. I'll repent now." "I listen to every word you say." (insert evil laugh) "Is Turret's syndrome going around? I mean...is it contagious?"

Get it off me...

Ever get overwhelmed? Stacey and I had a long conversation last night about my recent state of feeling 'overwhelmed.'

I'm not overwhelmed with things I need to get done and/or finding time to do them...

My feelings of being 'overwhelmed' are weirder than these normal things...

I have one of those personalities that just 'resonates' with other people's issues and problems. If you're not having a good day, then I'm not having a good day. That sort of thing. It's hard to explain. I can be having a perfectly good day, then read/hear about something someone's is going through or something stupid someone's said or done, and - BAM - I can think of little else for hours...

What I do know is that it's not just a personality quirk. It's also a 'spiritual' thing for me. 'Cause, usually, I'm not overwhelmed by other problems that people CANNOT help. I am only overwhelmed by the ones they can. You lose your familiy in a tragic shrimping boat accident, and I can handle that. But do something stupid, and I just ache...and don't know what to do.

I guess that could be interpreted as judgmentalism sometimes, when it's not. It's pain, pure and simple...pain of watching stupid stuff happen and there's nothing I can do to help.

-When one of my best friends in Birmingham started rejecting God, it made me depressed for weeks. It still troubles me to think about it. And why should I? He's moved to Austin, TX. I don't talk to him. I don't see him. But this is a guy I watched God do amazing things through in helping him recover from drug addiction and avoid a life that LITERALLY almost killed him. To watch him gradually reject God's work in his life is deeply depressing for me...

-When another friend of mine (also in Texas) called and informed me one night that he'd gotten into drugs and a dangerous relationship with a girl, it ruined my whole evening (phone call happened at a 'relaxed' small group one night, and I went from happy to depressed instantanously). This guy was a LEADER in a church plant I was involved in. He was someone I looked up to for his commitment to working hard in ministry. But...bam...he rejected pretty much everything he believed in, too...

-'Malfunctions' in a group of friends bothers me when they happen, too. 'Cause most of them happen over stupid, over-analyzed bull crap, yet lead to tension and a general feeling of not knowing what to say/do... I've seen these happen in EVERY group of friends I've been a part of since high school. People who know better...Christians professing love and a desire for GODLY relationships...but still allow friendships to get consumed by petty jealousies, misunderstandings, selfish feelings...

-Profanity and unchecked thought-vomiting (in Christians) bothers me, too. Sorry...it just does. It boils down to this: I talked to someone yesterday who's observed this firsthand in people they have looked up to, and this person's exact words were: "They're not the people I thought they were." .... I wanted to vomit. Why are we so callously indifferent to the impact our 'talk' has on people whom we don't even know it impacts?? People who might look up to us... There's that urge to vomit again...

I want to be the one to scream WTF? (flip) when I see this stuff happen. Like I said, it actually causes me pain to watch people who know better to wallow in everything from sinful behavior to self-pity to withdrawal from the world to rejecting good things in the name of 'freedom' or 'recovery.' I know! I know! I sound like a politician..."I feel your pain." Or that goofy counselor on Star Trek who 'felt' other people's emotions.

Um...that's not it. But, as I said, I do feel overwhelmed about it at times. As if all the good stuff God has done/can do/will do in people is only thwarted by our own...shortcomings. Don't get me wrong, I know that my own actions have caused empathetic pain in others, too...as they've had to be the ones to sit there and watch me be stupid.

I just can't get it out of my mind...like that 'Movin' song from the 1980s. I wish there was a simple "off" switch to this. I've tried. I've read/heard/observed crap happen, and I tell myself, "I don't care" over and over and over again...only to realize that I'm 'faking' apathy. I've also tried telling myself, "It's none of my business" or "I'm too worked up about it" or "Patience, Daniel-son." And...though this helps to 'numb' the pain sometimes, the pain usually doesn't go away...

Funny thing is, apart from this, I've got no pain about anything else. Weird.

Aaaaaggghhhh....

I need a solitude retreat myself...

Funk Resistance...

Another day of feeling overwhelmingly tired, even after a good night's sleep. My body's definitely fighting off some sort of 'malfunction.' Guess I'll take a cue from chapter on sickness prevention in the "Book of J-mo" and get plenty of rest. I do not need to get sick...

Oh...watched 'Shrek 2' last night. Much fun and laughter...

Still, watching the first 'Shrek' with the old small group down in B'ham is hard to beat. Something about the collective laughter that resulted after that bird exploded makes me still laugh to think about it. I couldn't breathe... What is it about the exponential effect of people laughing together that makes something so much funnier?

Blech...it's Tuesday

What do I have against Tuesday?

I dunno. I like Mondays better than Tuesdays. Maybe it's because Tuesdays are at the "sweet spot" of the week where 'newness' of Monday has worn off and you still have 3+ days to go.

Hmm...this doesn't even make sense for me, anyway. My busiest days are Monday, Thursday, and Sunday. But I like those days. Supwifdat?

Who really cares, anyway?

I'll shut up now...

F vs. F#

It's amazing how fast these past few weeks have gone by...barely get done with one, and the next one starts.

Sunday wound up going pretty well. All issues of chord malfunctions and unfamiliarity with the songs aside, it was nice to see something good happen. Usually, week after week, we evaluate things like "how did the music sound?" or "did all the elements flow together?" But now, I think the more important question to ask is, "Did people experience God?" "Did people worship regardless of the music or the setting?" (yeah, those are still important, but it's not the 'end all' of worship). And this Sunday, if we asked questions about the quality of the music or other things, this week we'd have to admit we were a bit "off." But the answer to the other question ("Did people experience God?") WAS answered with a resounding "yes." Actually, it's a humbling thing to know that God's moving in the people had little do with our efforts. But he did. Without going into too much detail, people responded incredibly to the whole 'giving' part of the message. And, from one comment card, we learned at least one person in the crowd even wants to be 'saved.' That just amazes me. All our efforts, as important as they are, are nothing without God doing his 'thing.'

Small group Sunday night was also, IMHO, better than normal for the same reason. Nothing was very different from a 'structure' point of view, but the time spent in the brief Bible Study and prayer was very moving for me. I can't explain it... But it felt more than just 'going through the motions.'

It was just cool. I think people did experience God throughout the day...which was very encouraging for me during a time when there's been a lot of questioning about our 'effectiveness' in ministry, worship, etc. I'll probably get around to blogging about the details of the specifics about what generated such an 'impact' throughout that day in my other blog...

It's a good thing the weekend went okay, because today's been a bit rough. Though I was able to get everything done I needed to get done today, I did most of it with a splitting, migraine-like headache. Took a nap this afternoon which lasted about an hour and a half...much longer than any normal "nap" usually lasts. Last time that happened, I got sick a couple of days later...guess my tiredness was my own body trying to fight off something. Hopefully, my unusual 'sleepiness' today is not a sign of a sickness yet to come.

That tiredness coupled with Stacey's temporary aversion to Mexican food led to our skipping out on the Guad tonight. J-mo voiced some mild "supwifdat" concern that we had decided that we weren't going. Oops.

Anyway, going to play some GTA: San Andreas then head to bed...

KEY PHRASE: "I thought you meant to call you IF we were going, not WHEN..."

Oh...many comments as to what happened on "Lord, Reign in Me" that made it sound so 'off.'

Wes: Something's wrong.
Jack A: Someone's out of tune, maybe.

Jack S: Ouch. I noticed that.

Eric/J-mo: (said nothing, just laughed onstage)

Me: There's typically no place for an F#maj chord in a song in the key of C.

Kyle: Oh, that was me.

LOL...we're free to screw up once in a while...after all, we do this all the time without much of a break...

Fire hazards and how we became a 'Bushy' nation

Okay, what to blog about...

How about those people who want to move to Canada or New Zealand now that Bush has been re-elected? What the farg is up with that? I can understand dislike of a regime. I disliked it a lot when Clinton was elected (and my vote for Bush, Sr. wasn't enough to sway the election). But I didn't want to move. I love this country, even if I don't like who's in the White House. I absolutely do not understand how disapproval of the government totally translates into hatred of your homeland. If Kerry had been elected, I certainly would not have moved. I would have wished him the best term possible, even if I hadn't voted for him. This whole America-hatin' attitude from people within and beyond our borders is ridiculous. It's like the kids at the playground who just won't play if you don't want to use their ball...then if they leave, they want to take the ball with them so no one can play, either. Childish...to say the least. There's always another election 4 years from now...sheesh...

Well, to talk about something less political (I'm sure we're sick of politics by now)...

Averted a potential fire at church tonight. When we got done with practicing "This Fragile Breath" for the 100th time, I leaned over to put my mics away and noticed a very pungent, burnt electrical odor coming from the stage area. Noting that my shiny new amp was there, I quickly stuck my nose over the air vents to make sure it wasn't an amp malfunction. Whew...thank God that wasn't it. By now, Eric noticed the odor, too, and we both started looking. I found the culprit when I reached down to unplug an AC adapter (used for my chorus pedal) and it was so hot when I unplugged it that I had to throw it on the floor to keep from burning my hand. Whew...I'm glad we're all committed to unplugging stuff when we're done...I hate to think about the potential for fire had that device remained plugged in. Oh, well...so much for Labtec universal A/C adapters....it just crapped out, I guess...

Band practice went pretty well, all things considered. The new song ("This Fragile Breath") started out very rough, but started to come together in the end. Hopefully, a bit more practice on our own before Sunday will help polish out the rough spots...

KEY PHRASES: "If that hadn't grabbed your attention, I would've thought you to be a eunuch." "Why can't you play like that on Sunday? That rocked. Are you afraid of the crowd, Kyle? Are you? If I can get my balding, overweight butt out there to sing every sunday, you can pour out some screaming leads like that...wow."

45 minutes later...

40 minutes of standing in line + 5 minutes to fill out the ballot. That's how long it took me to vote. Still, it didn't take the hour or more I expected after talking to others about how long it took them.

Dave - 1+ hour
Dana - 1 hour
Kyle - 1 hour
J-mo - 6 minutes...how'd you wing that? Did you get in a line for new American citizens or something? (ROFL...j/k).

Last time I voted in a presidential election in Atlanta, it took about 10 minutes. Though my parents said it took them 45 today.

At least all this 'waiting' indicates a lot of people are actually caring enough to vote this time around. I'm curious what the percentage of people voting this year will actually turn out to be.

Either way, I hope the guy I voted for wins ;-).

What the...

Holy crap...the lines at the polls are long. Tried to get a quick trip to the poll in this a.m. before Stacey had to go to work. Um...no...didn't happen. Line was wrapped around the building. No way I could wait that out before Stacey had to leave. Guess I'll try again here in a few minutes...

At least it looks like voter turnout is good...but yikes...

Short and sweet

Monday. Work on music. Send out to everyone. Take care of Kailyn. Eat lunch. Run errands and take care of Monday banking. Get home. Work on more chord charts. Go to Guad. Eat cheese dip. Wander the mall afterwards. Now what?

Well, for something real... Stacey's being 'urged' by her Walgreen's employers to come back to Walgreen's full-time at the new Decatur store. Let's just say that they're making here some very lucrative offers. More decisions. As attractive as the offer is, is it worth going back to wacky schedules and the headaches of retail? Is money everything?

Just when things get comfortable...

Heh...