Rendering to Ceasar...

Tomorrow is tax day. True, it's not April 15, but tomorrow IS the day we go get our taxes done. Hopefully, we won't have so much complicated crap one year that we can just do it at home with TurboTax. But alas, we have a lot of complicated crap. Stacey had 4 employers this year. We had income from rent. We sold a house. Student loan interest. Health expenses. Commuting expenses. Spent most of the evening putting together a stack of papers that resembles the amount of paperwork present during a mortgage closing.

Now my head hurts.

In other news, we're loaning Dana the Expedition this week to help Lara move home. It's finally kinda hit me tonight that we're letting a friend take a vehicle of ours out of state for a week. Not that we'd do that sort of thing often, but in this case I'm glad we can help out (and even then I feel like we're barely scratching the surface when it comes to returning favors). But still...it does make me pray that she has no problems on the trip...with the car OR with other drivers' stupidity on the highways. I got in an accident in my own car just an hour from home once...and it rendered the car undriveable. What a headache that experience was towing that thing home ($Cha-ching$) from a remote spot on I-59 an hour north of Birmingham. (Side note: Nissan Pathfinders built ca. 1990 SUCK!).

Learned tonight that Jordan has the stomach bug. Ewwww....oh, please don't pass that one back to us. We've already had our fun with that one.

On the more 'relaxed' side of things, I got my Linksys wireless XBOX LAN thingy delivered last week. I'm going to take advantage of a couple of XBOX-live free trials and hook up with some friends online. (Chad, I hope you've learned to aim). A lot of my old friends may be scattered across the Southeast now, but we can still frag each other... If I can afford it (after tax day), I want to order this gizmo from lik-sang.com (hong kong) that lets gamers like me hook up a mouse and keyboard to the XBOX. Though I can use gamepads pretty well, being a PC gamer it's just easier to stick with ONE type of control setup if possible...

It's amazing how much a little arcade violence can bring friends together. W00t.

Kailyn's Night Out...

Kids do weird stuff.

Kailyn woke up crying at about 3:00 a.m. That can be a normal thing...can be anything from a bad dream to not feeling well. Don't know what it was last night, except that she had a hard time falling back to sleep...but, she did...or so we thought.

We woke up at 6 a.m. and noticed the lights on the baby monitor were lighting up. Since this normally only does this when she's crying, I got up to go see what was wrong.

When I opened her door, I realized that the baby monitor was not picking up a crying toddler, but the sound of her TV. She'd apparently gotten up, turned on her TV, and successfully got "Finding Nemo" started. The credits were playing when I walked in, so I assume she'd had the movie on for some time. However, Kailyn, the movie watcher, was sound asleep on the floor. I picked her up and put her back in the bed.

Since going back to sleep seemed kind of like a foolish thing to do, I decided to just get up start the day. That's when I noticed things that suggested Kailyn had probably been up for a long time. Her pillow was on the floor of the dining room... Several icons on my computer upstairs had been re-arranged (she does that sort of thing). So it appears that she had wandered the whole house for a good portion of the night. I don't know what was up with that...

How do you punish a kid for getting out of bed in the middle of the night when you're laughing at the whole thing?

Ashes to ashes...and swimming...

Not a spiritual thought, but a practical one. You go to Princeton's and sit around a lot of smokers, you wind up smelling like smoke. Ashes to ashes. Or...smoke to smoke....something like that...

I'm not griping, though Stacey did when I got home. Heh. I really enjoyed going there instead of Applebee's. Went with Jack, Eric, and Hank after band practice (which lasted almost until 9:00, btw). Too bad the greasy/smoky smell-thing is still a part of the experience that lingers long after you've gone home, because Princeton's is a better place to hang out than a lot of the Decatur eating establishments.

-Side note: It's humorous to watch drunk rednecks try to pick up drunk blondes who are there with someone else.

Anyway, I saw a commercial on TV while we were there that made me think of Jack's River in North Georgia. I went there a couple of times in high school (before they closed the land to the public). It was a lot of fun. The river runs through a lot of rocks and creates a lot of tall waterfalls that fall into deep pools. Being able to climb way up on a rock outcropping and jump 30-40 feet into the water below is a thrilling experience.

That is, unless you forget to tuck your arms against your body and have them extended and let them smack the water when you hit.

Ow. It hurts to remember that.

Those summer trips there were among the most memorable of my teenage years....hanging with my friends...hearing a bear wander along the river (50 feet from the camp) while we were sleeping...chasing deer down the dirt road in a church van...hiking 5 miles to the campsite...freezing cold water....this kid from another group who jumped too close the rocks and severely lacerated his legs below the knees when he jumped 30 feet down into 6 feet of water...again, ouch...

-Side note #2: Found out years later that the group leader who took us one year was arrested for sexually molesting his 2 adopted sons, who went with us that same year. EEEEYYYYIIIIKES! Thank God that guy's 'activities' were limited to the confines of his own home. Besides, we outnumbered him like 15 to 1. No "Deliverance"-like crap happened on our watch...

Anyway, I miss being outdoors. I feel alive out there. Staring at a star-filled sky through barren trees in the fall...listening to the wind....the only other light coming from the glow of the campfire. One of the only ways I know of to silence the 'noise' of everyday life...

Will have to share some stuff about other camping spots some other time...

Gotta get a group together and go camping....soon...the best memories come from trips like that...creepy group leaders notwithstanding...

Jesus saves

...or microphones would cost $100 a piece.

That's right, J-mo's friend Jesus (Hay-zoos) at Shure has hooked us up again. This time, I'm getting some SM58s for home studio and stage use at a very significant discount. Maybe that will help me save on batteries and free a channel to actually use my wireless instrument interface. I've been relatively happy with the EV wired mics we have, but there's truly just no real comparison to the Shures, which are pretty much the industry standard.

Jesus is my homeboy.

Wasted post...

...I thought I might have something worth blogging about. But alas...

Oh...paid automotive taxes/tags today. Much joy there - sigh-. I fear that's just the beginning of paying taxes in the next couple of months.

D'oh...

Wilderness, part 2...

"Then Moses had one more request. "Please let me see your glorious presence," he said. The LORD replied, "I will make all my goodness pass before you, and I will call out my name, 'the LORD,' to you. I will show kindness to anyone I choose, and I will show mercy to anyone I choose. But you may not look directly at my face, for no one may see me and live." The LORD continued, "Stand here on this rock beside me. As my glorious presence passes by, I will put you in the cleft of the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed. Then I will remove my hand, and you will see me from behind. But my face will not be seen."

- Genesis 33:18-23.

Isn't that how God still works? We may not see him coming when we even cry out for it, but we can see the evidence of how he's passed by....how he was there when we thought we were alone.

In my wilderness, I cried out so much for hope and guidance. I wanted to know, d*** it, how things were going to work out. Only as I look back can I see God's hand in pretty much every part of that experience, though I felt alone at the time.

That's the faith-test. Trusting in what you can't see. It's looking back, knowing he was there, and being able to look forward knowing he'll be there, too, no matter what wilderness you face. Though I won't know how he's chosen to 'work' in advance, I can trust that he will work.

Sorry for the deep thoughts in my usually 'blog-lite' page. But this seemed more important to me this morning than blogging about the availability of DSL in a few months...

Wilderness

Normally, I love the woods. I've often wondered why the wilderness is a metaphor for a negative experience in Scripture. I guess that's a matter of perspective. On the one hand, being driven from a place of comfort/familiarity into a place where life is much harder can be a sort of trial. On the other hand, being freed from a place of comfort and familiarity and being forced to go into a place where you have to trust in something else can be a good thing.

So, what perspective do I have about my own wilderness?

I've noticed that I rarely discuss the church plant I was a part of from June 2001 to January 2002. I rarely discuss it because it was a miserably-failed experiment...because it destroyed friendships rather than edified them...because, honestly, it's embarrassing to talk about, and that's been a mistake.

Fusion (as it was called...laughably, in hindsight) was the endeavor of 6 people, including Stacey. After our experience at MCC, we felt so liberated and free...and 'called' to do this church plant. We poured time, energy, creativity, and vision into the thing. I'll spare you from the details of what went wrong (that's more for face-to-face conversation), but I will say that things DID go wrong and the church plant went belly-up.

Suffice to say, I spent much time in my own personal wilderness from April 2001 to April 2002 (from the day I quit Mountaintop to the day I found out about Crosspoint). That was a very long year: Quitting my job (to liberate myself from the 'system.'), facing depression that had apparently been 'brewing' for years b/c of that job, admitting I needed counseling. In the midst of this, I helped plant Fusion. The church attracted around 30 people before it went bust. I resigned first. Chad resigned next. Then the church folded. Note: Never try to start a church with too much baggage around your neck. AND in the midst of all this, I found out I was going to be a father.

Yikes.

So there I was - in January 2002 - with no income of my own, no certaintly of where I would wind up, and no idea why God chose - at this time in my life - to say, "You're going to be a dad in 7 months." I spent day after day parousing online want ads, wondering how in the heck we could afford to move anywhere. Bills were terrifying things to open. I was getting all kinds of pressure from friends to abandon my search for the 'ideal' job and just take what I could get. But I hung in there, clinging to this vision and calling in spite of incredible defeatism knocking on the door.

And...get this...I "think" I was okay with all this. For the first time in years, I could sense possibilities ahead. Though terrified at the same time of the circumstances themselves, it was the first time in my life that I felt like I wasn't 'doomed' to spend the rest of my life trapped in the same job...living at the mercy of people whom I'd mistakenly given too much power to.

My wilderness. The unknown. I only wandered one year instead of 40, but I wandered.

Then doors opened, and BAM!, here I am.

What is it about the wilderness that's so cool? Just as Israel seemed to do better spiritually in the wilderness after Egypt than they did when they finally made it to the promised land, so do I feel like the wilderness was a great time for me spiritually. As everything I leaned confidence on was gone...my job, my dreams, my own ambition, I was forced to rely completely on God to open doors and lead. For the first time in years, I was free to LET him lead me.

Of course, much of this is hindsight...

But I emerged from the wilderness intact. A bit numb, a bit beat up, but intact. Hopefully, I'm a little wiser from the experience...

Of course, the 'wilderness' is as close as my backyard, if you get my meaning. All it takes is a big bill, a health malfunction, or job malfunction to throw us right back into the bushes. I just hope I have enough clarity of mind and faith that when that happens again that I can look back and remember that God's always been there...

Internet options...finally!!

Just found out that Bellsouth DSL is going to be offered in my area starting May 3. WOOHOO! I dunno why I'm so excited. I'm not even sure I'll switch, since Charter's actually been pretty reliable lately. Still, it's nice to know that I'll have the choice...finally. Now if only PCL can get its butt in gear, too...

Relevant to the topic at church yesterday...

Don't build your house on the sandy land... or...on a hillside in California

Late night thoughts...

As much as I've griped about not being able to sleep lately, I have to confess that I've found something cool in the experience...

First, it's quiet around 2 a.m. And dark. It makes for a very peaceful experience. Great time to think, pray. And the thunder rolling outside creates the perfect ambience for those opportunities...

Second, I'm alone. I've voluntarily been sleeping on the futon upstairs while Kailyn's recovered from her tooth injury (she's afraid of her bed after falling on it like that). Though this won't last, it's been a long time since I've had a room to myself.

Though I love my family and usually love being around people and being social and all that, I'm learning to treasure these moments by myself. I'm not worried about anything. My mind is not racing 90 mph. The TV is off. The only noise is the hum of the A/C unit up here.

Peace and quiet and solitude can be a priceless thing in a world usually drowning in issues of parenthood, spousal responsibility, work responsibility, and the general 'noise' of life. In the past, I used to find that time "alone" for myself by mountain biking alone, camping, or just jumping in my car and driving around at night... I really miss being able to do that.

I may be exhausted in the morning again, but the way I see it, if I can't sleep, anyway, then I should treasure the positive side of the experience... Besides, in a weird way I become much more sleepy when I can just relax and enjoy the time...

"Oh, how I wish I had wings like a dove; then I would fly away and rest! I would fly far away to the quiet of the wilderness." - Psalm 55:6-7

Lost in delirium...

Sunday afternoon. Almost synonomous with naptime. Laying here on the couch, my eyelids are heavy and my mind is bouncing from thought to thought.

(thinking about this morning)

I thought church went really well this morning, though Dave's sinus issues seemed to be taking their toll on him after church (you couldn't tell he was sick at all during the service, though).

***side note***

Church went 'well.' What does that mean, anyway? That dude who spoke at Jeff Deyo's concert a couple of weeks ago asked the same question. Does it mean the music went well? Does it mean everything 'flowed' without a hitch? Did the sermon go well? Or should it mean, "Did God move in people's minds/hearts?" "Was God honored? Worshipped?"

***

I guess I have to mean that - for me - I experienced God this morning. That's actually very surprising, given the fact that my week has been so hectic. I know that it shouldn't surprise me, since God always seems to make himself most 'present' in my life in rough times. Still, I was surprised. I felt like I was worshipping. At one point, I didn't care if the crowd was or not...which is a big thing for me. I hope they were, but I felt some sort of switch go on in my brain that allowed me to just worship regardless of the crowd's engagement of the song.

In this sense, church went 'well' for me.

The music sounded good, Dave's message was great, and the community seemed friendly. I even liked communion with goldfish and soft drinks. In our hyper-religious community, I'm sure that would step on some people's toes - or, at the very least, add to the gossip about how liberal (or even heretical) we are. But I doubt the machine-processed communion wafers and Welch's grape juice that other churches use are any more like the bread and wine that Jesus shared at his communion table than what we shared was. Plus, I doubt I'll ever drink a soft drink again without getting the reminder about the experience.

(thoughts shifting to Mozilla)

I'm typing this on Firefox. Thought I'd give it a try. Does that make me software-chic? I doubt it. But to just be able to say, "I use 'Mozilla'" in a room full of computer-geek wannabes at least makes me 'appear' more tech savvy than I actually am.

(...shifting...again...and again...)

- Kailyn and Stacey are napping. She was really "whiny" this morning (Kailyn, not Stacey), but she's doing much better this afternoon. Part of me hates it that she's feeling better, because I know her busted tooth is still 'busted' and a trip to the dentist this week may involve additional pain. Ouch. Don't get me wrong....I'm THRILLED she's feeling okay. I just want it to be a lasting thing where she feels okay WITHOUT a pending (and painful) dental visit to come.

- Just how many versions of "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" are there? There's one playing on SciFi channel right now. It's a boring version with lots of sappy music, though it looks recent. So sappy, though...makes me want to put in "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" just to see a cooler vision of the Nautilus and Captain Nemo (as a martial-arts swordsman with a Nautilus armed with missiles, etc....heh). Wait....do I care that much? Okay, turning off the TV now...

- Did Kyle really strike up a conversation with 2 girls in Nashville? Was it really, "Were you girls in Huntsville last night?" or was it more "Can I borrow the salt?" kind of "I talked to girls" thing? Need to talk to J-mo for corroboration on the details. Heh...j/k, Kyle.

- zzzzz....closing my eyes for real now...

Update...

7:30 P.M.

Sheesh, what a long day. On the bright side, a lot of the swelling subsided, though now we can clearly see the damage to her teeth (mainly just one tooth, but another one also looks a little displaced). I still cringe to look at her.

Fortunately, she's been acting pretty normal. She only complains about the pain if she happens to bump her mouth on the couch or her own arm as she plays around the living room. If it wasn't for that fact, the remaining swelling, and the obvious damage to her teeth requiring her to eat nothing but foods like applesauce and spaghettios, you'd think nothing happened to her.

Still cannot get through to the dentist. I guess some secretary that's supposed to enter the right code at the end of the day Friday into the phone to activate the answering service goofed. At least, that's the theory. Heh. My mom used to work for a company in Atlanta that used such a system, so she knows how those things work. After I describing the foul-up I'm experiencing to her, she's like, "Sounds just like what happens when someone's not paying attention entering the codes." I dunno what that all means exactly, but I do know that someone screwed up. I'd like to think it's not a normal thing.

Had to get some things done at the church today, too. But as I drove to the church, I actually starting thinking about all I have to be thankful for in spite of all this. There were a couple of people in the ER last night with far worse issues than Kailyn's displaced tooth. There were a lot of police involved with one of the patients, too...I'm guessing the patient was a victim of some sort of violent crime. Another patient was an elderly lady who apparently makes frequent trips to the ER. Another was a woman in her 30s was there who'd had a MAJOR skin reaction (swelling/rash) to something she thought was an insect bite, but the same reaction has plagued several of her co-workers at her job. From what we could tell, she'd been there since 3:30 that afternoon just waiting to see if it was anything serious. When we left, I believe she still didn't know.

What's happened to Kailyn is just an childhood accident of inconvenient timing. It's not a major trauma. It's not a serious illness. It's just mouth injury. As long as that's the worst thing to happen to us, I can still celebrate. Heck, I should still be able to find reason to celebrate amidst something far worse, should that happen one day...

Sure, I'm frustrated with the dentist office and the fact that my daughter was in so much pain (and the fact that this is far from over)...but all I can think about is Isaac getting ready to kill his son and calling it worship (since I heard TWO messages on this passage in the past 2 weeks). Such strong faith in God amidst a tough situation...could you have imagined living with that kind of a choice had God required Abraham to go through with it? Wow... That's not an exhaustive (or even very accurate) look at that story...just something encouraging about it floating in my head right now...

If he could 'worship' at that moment,' so can I right now...

Ouch...

UPDATE: (11:00 a.m.)

-Kailyn slept through the night. Thank goodness for that side effect of Lortab. Unfortunately, I only slept about 4 hours. Went down at 3 a.m., then - BAM! - up at 7. -Sigh-

-Her upper right lip is incredibly swollen, probably from getting in the way of the tooth and the bedrail. Ouch. The tooth looks like it's realigned a bit, but it's still pushed back.

-She doesn't want to eat, drink, and even getting her medicine in her is a chore.

-The emergency line for our dentist STILL won't reach anyone...a full 12 hours later. Hopefully, it's just a problem with their paging/answering service and NOT an indicator of the 'norm.' Still, I'm so P.O.'d about that I want to scream. Not to mention, none of the other pediatric dentists in Decatur or Huntsville are reachable for emergencies since we're not 'current' patients of theirs. The only dentist I did manage to talk to (Thanks, Dana, for the referral) was very helpful, but doesn't treat kids under 5. So after umpteen-thousand phone calls all over North Alabama (including Birmingham), we're still right where we were when we came home last night, just a little more concerned about the swelling.

-And...(yes, and)...I still have a day's worth of other responsibilities that need taken care of. Fortunately, Stacey (who was supposed to work for Walgreen's today) was able to be home.

It's going to be a LONG weekend. Hopefully, I can get Kailyn looked at as quickly as possible on Monday...since it looks like we'll have to wait until then.

Heartbreaking...

I hate days that end like this one...

Tonight, as Stacey and I were putting Kailyn (2 1/2 years old now) down for bed, she was incredibly wound up. So wound up, in fact, that she leapt over my leg (I was sitting on the floor) from the middle of the room towards her bed and promptly smacked her face down on the metal rail that connects the headboard to the footboard (ironically, it's only exposed b/c of the 'safety rail' that keeps her from falling out of the bed at night).

Anyway, the next few minutes were a blur of much screaming, much blood, and a lot of confusion as we tried to figure out how exactly she was hurt. My initial thought was that she had busted her gums open. Why not...it's happened before.

Unfortunately, no...that wasn't it. Once we finally got her mouth open and could look past the insane amount of blood (mouth sores tend to bleed a lot, eh?), we noticed that one of her teeth was pushed backwards. -SHUDDER- I have to confess I have a tooth phobia (fear of losing teeth, breaking teeth...to the point that I've had nightmares about it). So when I stared at the 'bent' and bloody tooth in my little daughter's mouth, I nearly vomited. And since she was jumping over my leg when it happened, I also felt very responsible...more on that in a bit... Apparently, she'd hit that tooth dead-on with the thin edge of the metal rail. My teeth hurt just thinking about it...

Anyway, the next hour continued at a blur. Though our supposedly wonderful pediatric dentist office in Madison is supposed to have a 24/7 emergency service, no one EVER picked up after nearly 20-25 attempts at calling them (between 11:00 p.m. and...now, 2:20 a.m.). Makes we want a new dentist NOW. Left with little recourse, we packed Kailyn up and carted her off to the ER at 11:30 p.m. After much waiting, a lot more crying, and that nagging uncertaintly of how this would all work out, all the doc on duty would do for her was prescribe some Lortab and send her on the way...with instructions to see a dentist ASAP. Great...no dentist offices are usually open on Saturdays. Goobers.

So now, Stacey and Kailyn are downstairs...at least attempting to go to sleep in our bed. I hope the Lortab knocks her out. Kailyn can only eat soft foods for a while, but she doesn't want remove this damp paper towel from her mouth. Every time she tries, she cries as the loosened, displaced tooth moves and (obviously) causes her pain.

And I'm sick to my stomach...from seeing my daughter's discomfort to my own feeling of 'responsibility' for what happened to the overall 'unfinished' way this all feels right now. Sure, it wasn't my fault. I was just sitting there. But I feel responsible because I'd already told my kid good night, and Stacey had already taken her downstairs. But...stupid me...I'd decided to go downstairs and see her one more time (I love being able to be there when she crawls in her new bed). Had I not done that, she probably would've just gone to bed without incident. But, no...

Again, not my fault. But I hate how those small decisions in our lives can have such stupid consequences, even when they're GOOD decisions.

-Sigh-

Keep our little girl in your prayers as she deals with this. And keep her parents (me and Stacey) in there, too, since we're freakin' out...

Hopefully, we can track down a dentist tomorrow who can realign or remove or...whatever...the tooth.

Usually Fridays...

...start better than this.

Ow. My head. If headaches are contagious, I've caught one. One of those back-of-your-neck-over-the-scalp-to-behind-your-eyeballs kind of headaches. What a way to round out the week...

But at least I'm still in a good mood.

The week's been a busy one. Some highlights:

- Valentine's Day. I remembered a card. And Steak Out at home is less 'crowded' than eating out on Valentine's Day. But not cheaper. Ouch.

- Spent a good portion of my time Wednesday late afternoon cleaning and re-designing the stage layout at the church. I moved the drums and the amps to new locations (whilst laughing maniacally, imagining the weeping and gnashing of teeth it would arouse...but alas, nada...j/k). I also sorted through a huge mess of speaker cables (3 cables, but only 2 speakers...hmmm...), mic cables, and other odds and ends that looked like they were being used, but were just actually laying on the floor creating an obstacle course for the church rodent population.

- Band practice went well. But I have a love/hate relationship with some older worship songs (yes, I know...I pick them...maybe it's brain damage). This week, it's "The Potter's Hand." Why? It 'fits' the theme this week. Besides, I like the words. I can even get the tune in my head and enjoy it. I can do this because it meant something to me in the past...not because it's a great song necessarily, but it was sung at a time God spoke to me at a conference years ago, and the words challenged me. But...the original recording (and even some of the lyrics) are...so...sappy...by the standards of my current musical taste. I endeavoured to rewrite it by changing up some chords and the piano part, but the song cannot avoid its inherent cheesiness. Still, maybe it sounds better than I think it does (-insert amazed laughter from the band here-). But even with the changes, I can't get the original arrangement out of my head... Maybe I need to write my own song that says the same thing...

- Applebee's. How'd I luck out on getting to go to the Leatherman Eatery after band practice? (yikes). Appetizer Sampler - $9.99. Drink - $1.50. Lots of 'personal reading time' at 3 a.m. - "priceless." Take it easy on the wings, Kev...

- Last night, I had 'man time' at home. Before you think that's something gross, let me clarify that 'man time' (for me) is having the house to myself with wife and child gone. She went to a friends' house to get her hair color retreated and she took Kailyn with her. So...what did I do? Hit the drum clinic with the guys? Watch Spike TV? Throw a kegger? Alas...no. I played Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow for a couple of hours. Maybe I didn't make the best use of my time, but a couple of hours of 'distraction-free' gaming can be a bit euphoric. I need to 'suggest' that Stacey find more nights to do things like that with friends so I try out 'distraction-free' home studio setup and testing.

On with today...anyone got any Tylenol?

"I write a column by the name of Jane Doe"

Passing on bad habits. Like her dad, Kailyn loves movies nowadays. Shrek. Shrek 2. Lilo and Stitch. Toy Story. Finding Nemo. Dinosaur. And on and on.

She's watched them so much with all the rain and stuff lately, I've got the theme music from those movies running through my head. I believe I could quote both Shrek movies from end to end. I can tell you that the dentist who caught Nemo is named P. Sherman and lives on 42 Wallaby Way in Sydney, Australia. I went to sleep last night with "You've Got a Friend in Me" drowning out any peace and quiet within my own mind that I was seeking.

But before I begin a treatise on watching too much TV or filling our lives with too much noise, that's not what bothers me now.

I can quote movies. I love movies. My brother and I creep people out when we recall obscure movie quotes like the "Not now, Madeline" line from Star Trek IV or the "I talked to your husband this morning and I was wondering..." "My husband's in Utah." "...what I was doing in Utah this morning" dialogue from Fletch. And so can Kailyn...when it comes to her movies. She can see a scene coming, and utter out a line from it before it's spoken.

Yikes.

(warning: spirituality ahead)

I can quote a movie Kailyn's watching (even when I'm not and it's just been running in the 'background' all day). But I can't do the same with Scripture. Sure, I know a few key references. I know a LOT of scripture quotes and the context of them, but I wish I could live/breathe the Word like I can movie lines.

After all, the "You think he's compensating for something?" line from Shrek can't possibly be considered "useful for teaching" and guide the way I live my life. So why don't I spend the same time in God's word? I don't "study" movies. I just see them. Then see them again. Then they're in my head. Seems like it should be that easy with Scripture. Can't I just read my Bible? It's not a textbook, after all. Maybe if I just read it...and reread it...it'll stick. Maybe I won't be able to reference all the verse numbers and chapters, but at least I can absorb the words.

Guess I'm feeling a bit pathetic that I can better remember various lines Jim Carrey said to Jeff Daniels in Dumb and Dumber than I can remember what the Lord said to Abraham after his son Isaac's life was spared from sacrifice. Honestly, I think God could laugh at Dumb and Dumber...but...what Abraham heard God say is important. "You sold my dead parakeet to a blind kid?" is not important.

Before you accuse me of being facetious or even sacriligious, realize that I'm having a "Look, I'm stoopid" moment. Meaning...that if I could fill my head with more of God's words than Hollywood's, how much more effective of a tool of his could I be? Sure, a movie quote can elicit a laugh or be an ice breaker in a conversation...but knowing Scripture can teach, edify, etc....myself and others.

-Sigh-

On the bright side, I can beat just about anybody in one of those DVD movie trivia quote board games. Anyone want to play?

"Entering Morgan County"

I don't know if reading that sign was encouraging or depressing. It was encouraging, because it meant that we'd neared the end of our 3.5 hour journey from Atlanta to home. But it was also discouraging, because it reminds me that I live 3.5 hours away from the rest of my family...my parents, aunts/uncles, etc...and to go back means to endure the 3.5 hour drive all over again AND finding time off to see them, which is particularly difficult for Stacey to do in her current job situation.

Anyway, this trip was a good one, in spite of the reason for it. We arrived in Atlanta Wednesday afternoon, then went to the viewing for my grandmother. Got to see a lot of family and old friends of my family, some of whom I hadn't seen in a long time. Thursday morning, we got up early, went to the graveside service, then there was a memorial service and reception at my grandmother's church, where she'd been a member since something like 1932 (that's nearly 3/4 of a century...wow).

Though funerals are generally depressing for obvious reasons, we could all celebrate that my grandmother is most certainly in heaven and that she's where she's wanted to be for years. And, honestly, I think her passing is somewhat of a relief for my father and his sisters, who will certainly miss her, but hated watching her grow so old and resentful of 'staying alive' for so long.

Still, I'll miss her, too. I didn't get to see much of her in the past couple of years. But she did get to meet Kailyn a little while back, and I'm very thankful for that.

We decided to stay through this morning and let Kailyn spend time with her "Memama" and "Papa." Having just seen them at Christmas, she became quickly adjusted to her surroundings there and spent a lot of time with them. I know they loved it, too. That's what makes me hate living so far away from them sometimes. I want them to see more of Kailyn. I just hope Stacey can work something out that will 'free' her for more vacation time.

Made it back today just before 5:00. Walked into a FREEZING cold house (one of us had left the A/C on before we left...d'oh). But the house eventually warmed up from 60 degrees (lower in some spots) to a comfy 72.

...

Anyway, I'm sitting here tonight both glad to be back home yet a bit depressed (just a bit) that such trips aren't easier and more frequent...and that in spite of the funeral and everything, I can't imagine my grandmother being anywhere else other than sitting at her piano in the house I remember her living in in Decatur, Georgia. The reality is that she's now gone, the piano is sitting in my house in Decatur, Alabama, and I won't see her again until I 'cross over Jordan' myself...

But I will see her again, and knowing that still can bring a smile to my face even now...

96 years

My grandmother died sometime this morning. She would've been 97 in May.

I'm sad. But I'm happy for her. I know where she is now. I'm also sad for my dad yet happy that he won't have to face the stress of continuing to care for her. Kind of all mixed up about the news, I guess...

What I can celebrate is that she had such an incredibly long life filled with faith and such a positive impact on so many people. I can only hope that someone will say the same of me if I reach that age.

I think it's ironic that we sang "Glory Defined" yesterday at church. The song popped into my head as soon as I got the phone call this morning. When I talked to my brother this morning, I mentioned that, and we realized we're both partly jealous of what she's experiencing now.

"I'll wake up to find your glory defined, and I will finally bow at your feet. I will lift up your name in honor and praise. When I cross over Jordan, I know that I'll be running home to you."

I bet it'd be really cool to see my grandmother run again...

Estrogen 1, Testosterone 0

I live and breathe estrogen in my house. My wife, my daughter, 2 female dogs, 1 female cat...the only testosterone in the house eminates from me and the other cat, but he hates me, so that kinda sucks...

-Sigh-

Not that this is a bad thing. But after spending pretty much all day today getting Kailyn's new room ready, the house feels 'girly-er' than ever. Sheets...curtains...'fluffy' stuff like a bean-bag chair covered with little hearts...furry little hearts. Lots of pastels...greens, pinks, blues... The highlight of the whole experience was being able to assemble a little $20 TV stand we got at K-mart. Black wood with gray supports. Man colors (-grunt- -grunt-).

Well, at least I got to do the 'manly' parts. Like...using a screwdriver to mount the curtain rods. And a hammer...

Heh...seriously, it was good to get it done. And right now our daughter is sleeping (um...hopefully sleeping) right now for the first night in her new bed. She was so excited about it. I hope she stays cool with it the whole night.

Next project is 're-fitting' Kailyn's old room for the boy on the way. Unfortunately, Stacey's kind of 'out' on things like airplanes, tanks, race cars...anything 'boyish,' so I'll have to intervene in a "Straight Eye for the Straight Guy" sort of way...LOL.

...

In other news, my Lexicon Omega desktop USB recording interface arrived yesterday. Pretty nifty device. 2 mic inputs (with preamps), MIDI in/out, 4 line/instrument inputs, SPDIF in/out, preamps...good software...Cubase LE and a Pantheon Reverb plug-in. Would be very nice to actually start using all this stuff. Now that I have the necessary interface, I have no excuse. I also ordered 6 dozen guitar picks since the last 6-dozen I ordered a few years ago have all disappeared (under couch cushions, car seats, etc.)

Now if I can just get all this HGTV-like stuff around the house done so I can do something manly like...start laying down tracks on my PC.

Well, at least there are no doilies in my house...

More thoughts about building community...

I was talking with someone on IM last night about this whole community-building thing - the obstacles to it, what's worked, what doesn't work...

So, I've been thinking: What are the obstacles to building community?

1. Time - Time is more scarce than money for most people nowadays. People working 3rd shifts. People trying to balance jobs (or multiple jobs), school, kids, family...you name it. How can you make a 'community' time seem valuable enough that people would want to invest their already-scarce time 'investing' in it?

2. Fear/Reservation - Let's face it, some people have been wounded. To risk re-engaging a community on a personal level is a tremendous gamble in the minds of these people.

3. Clique mindset - This one may be my big struggle. A quick survey of how I spend my time, I realize that I pretty much hang out with the same people over and over. Not that that's a bad thing (friendships are great as they deepen), but what have I done to build bridges with people who DON'T have a circle of friends at church...or beyond church?

4. Lack of focus/intent/etc. - I think my own efforts are hurt by this one. If something people are invited to does not seem worth their time, they won't be there. Too much focus, some of these activities become just 'Sunday School' (-shudder-). Too little focus/intent, it's just 'hanging out.' Can there be a balance?

5. Other barriers - Affinity, money, age, family status...whereas I believe some of these things can be legitimate barriers (after all, common interests unite people), sometimes I think they're simply excuses to stay within comfort zones. Not everyone likes the same things. Not everyone has money. Not everyone has kids. But even among some of these dividing lines, I believe people can find common ground to build friendships if they're willing to overlook/overcome these barriers.

I think overcoming these obstacles is something I have to consider as I explore new ideas for building community and the 'reformission' of my small group. It's something we all have to work on, I think, if we want our Christian community to be truly effective...

More thoughts...

The person I talked to last night even validated our IM conversation as legitimate 'friendship-building.' Very true, but...I still believe a gathering of people is an important thing.

Why? Suppose I spend time with person A for an hour. Then I go and spend time with person B for an hour. That's all well and good. But how do I get person A to spend time with person B? Real community begins to build when that sort of thing happens. And if I can get person A and B talking, then WE can start engaging persons C, D, and so on. A 'gathering' - or 'gatherings' - can be a place where this can begin to happen...

Alrighty, taking these barriers and the need for 'gathering' beyond Sunday a.m. into account, again I post the question about what direction to take a small group (mine or anyone's): "How can we deliberately build a community that deepens current friendships, opens doors to new friendships (intentionally), builds each other up spiritually, and does all this in such a way that respects (and overcomes) the barriers to community-building?"

And how do we do this effectively in Decatur (possibly a barrier in and of itself)? Is it a gathering in a home once every week or two? Is it more spontaneous? Both? How do you build a hunger for a deepening community in people?

I'd love to get a dialogue going about this...again... :-)

Tougher News

My high school friend's younger brother (Wesley) died this morning. I don't know any more details -except- that leukemia was among the complications in his health. I didn't know that part of it before.

Anyway, as I blogged already, I can't imagine what this family's facing. Pray for Wesley's parents (Bill/Claire), his older brother/my friend (Sean), and his older sister (Brittany).

I just thank God for the chance to know Wes Smith for even a small part of his life years ago.

Here's to seeing him again one day in a place free from the kind of disease that killed him...

Duff Man...is...disappointed...

http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/asiapcf/02/02/duff.beer.ap/index.html

Chad, you may be the only one to find this humorous. Other than me...

In case you want it NOW...

http://www.audiocubes.com/product/Sony_PSP-1000_PlayStation_Portable.html

I'm giddy. But I can wait until March... And it won't cost THIS much... But, J-mo, if you gotta have it NOW, there you go...

Community Redux

In a previous post, I whined a bit about something in a very counterproductive way, so I deleted it so it wouldn't mislead others who hadn't read it yet.

Actually, Monday I was a bit melancholy about the state of some of my community-building efforts, particularly as it relates to small group and deepening some friendships.

Then I go to BAM!, and have a great time. And as I was driving home, I was thinking...that was fun...how can something like that be used to better connect with people? Can you just gather people at BAM, read, talk life, talk...anything, and that be enough?

So I'm taking suggestions...

How can I meet the needs of building a community and connecting with people in a way that give some the Bible study they want and others the spontaneity and fellowship they want? How can I do that in a way that honors their time, their schedules, their different affinities, and the mission of the church (the deliberate aspect of it)?

Is a weekly 'meeting' an answer? Or something more out of the box? Both? Balance?

What would people come to?

Feel free to comment.