Z-z-z-o-c-k!!

Fortunately, it looks like Decatur has been spared another severe weather outbreak, though it seems things are getting pretty rough in the rest of the state. Considering how powerful this storm system impacted Kansas, Arkansas, and Mississippi yesterday, I feel pretty lucky (yet not surprised that things are getting rougher over the eastern half of the state).

My greatest storm trauma of the day was the shriek let out by Kailyn after lightning struck VERY close by. If that's all we're facing today, then I can handle that (Though I also hated scrambling to unplug all the electronics in the house...heh).

On the bright side of things, Zachary seems to have slept through the whole event undisturbed. WOOHOO!

Sup with Christmas season tornadoes, anyway? I remember one wacked out storm when I was a kid that came through and ripped the roofs off of a lot of homes up in Bells Ferry, GA. As the weather cooled off, the rain was replaced by snow... Imagine having your house destroyed, only to have to deal with the snow as you work to cleanup and salvage what you can? Wow...

Spewing pseudo-wisdom

So I want to start writing.

For real.

But what do I have to offer? What can I say that hasn't already been said (and lost amidst so many things being said by so many others)?

Am I wise? Or am I just opinionated? For that matter, why does anyone write?

Why do I feel like my thoughts even matter? Well, I could post a resume of my academic credentials followed by latin phrases of honor. I could reference some of the professors and other leaders who have filled my head with knowledge over the years. But doing so would truly just be a personal form of self-elevation to the status of "pompous ass."

Or I could just go all George Carlin on everyone and vent constantly about what's wrong with the world. F*** this. F*** that. I admit, part of me wants to do this every time I go to Wal-mart and have to deal with the crowd there...but to do that would also just be a way of being openly opinionated with some vulgarity thrown in to boot.

So why write?

Before I start such an endeavor, I want to make completely sure that I'm not just doing it just to vomit my opinions on the world. Inevitably, all writers do this to some degree. But in a world where it seems every human - from movie star to rock icon to former actors elected governors - somehow finds an open pulpit from which to vomit their opinions about everything from the war in Iraq to why "under God" should be taken out of the pledge of allegiance upon the world, I need to know why I want to write. If I don't examine my motives, then I'm literally just adding to the noise.

Or it's a gimmick to make money. Inevitably, all writers do this to some degree, too. At least, I know I hope someday I'll write something that will merit a check. I don't care how much. Just ot know someone liked what I had to say well enough to buy it. But if I'm doing it all for money, then writing loses the passion inherent within it. But then I'm back to the whole opinionated thing, I guess...

...

It's a conundrum for me. But if you like smaller words than conundrum, just insert "mess" in place of that word in the last sentence.

Why write at all, then?

Over the past...let's say, 15 years of my life...I've experienced a lot of things. Before that, my background was relatively boring. Who would read a headline like, "Church boy grows up in church and goes to college" and want to read the article?

I wouldn't. Maybe that's why I block out a lot of my pre-18-year-old experiences. I could argue that there were good times with friends, family, and church in there, but if I have to argue for their excitement, they're not worth writing about.

But since I turned 18....whoa...lots of fun stuff...lots of scary stuff...lots of painful stuff...lots of joy, too. Good friends, bad friends. Good bosses, bad bosses. (I'll wait to start writing to go into all of it).

Point is...I want to have more than just an opinion. I want to be able to look at my experiences, draw upon what I've learned, and share those things in the hopes that people might identify with those experiences. That's it. Maybe I help them, too. Maybe I don't, but even then...maybe I give them someone to resonate with. Maybe I'll offend people, but that, too, is something I think writers secretly (or openly) aspire to do. Dialogue can begin when you offend someone, right?

The last book I just read was about a person sharing his experiences about God, family, love, church, etc. It was not a theological treatise on those subjects. It was simply an account of his experiences and what he learned in those experiences... And I resonated with this book completely. I walked away thinking, "I wish more people could see what this writer sees...so that our world...our churches...our families...might function more realistically and better in the long run."

That is why I want to write. Maybe there is something valuable in my experiences and the pseudo-wisdom I've gained from those experiences. Maybe not. Readers decide that, I guess.

But maybe...I just like to write. Maybe I want to learn how to use words like an artist uses a paintbrush. Maybe I should be a poet. Or a lyricist. Or a novelist. Maybe all of the above. I guess the true challenge is to weave all that together...

Nah...the true challenge will be getting people to read anything I write in the first place.

Oy vey.

Long time, no bloggy bloggy

Man, we enjoyed the holiday yesterday. And - since I've got no family in town - we truly had a 'holiday.' Got up, let Kailyn watch the Thanksgiving parade, then lounged around the house until about 3:00.

We decided to jettison the turkey tradition this year, and instead cooked tequila-lime chicken outside on the grill. Good stuff. Then we wrapped up the day watching "The Polar Express." Not a bad flick...surprisingly good, actually. J-mo joined us for the festivities.

Anyway, now the silly season is getting started in full swing. Time to put up the lights, the Christmas trees, all that stuff... Really, I don't mind it. True, all the holiday bling-bling can get annoying - especially when the true meaning of the season is lost in the commercialization of the holiday that drowns you this time of year. But - for me - it's all about attitude. My attitude, that is.

...

I don't know when my XBOX 360 will arrive. For $50 extra bucks, I could've gotten one at Wal-mart last week. Then I would've had to go, wait in line...nah... I can be patient. Besides, I've had little time for video games this week, anyway.

On a video-game related note, I've actually gotten Stacey (the anti-gamer) to get hooked on Burnout on the XBOX and the PSP. As I sat there watching her play round after round in 'crash' mode the other night, all I could think of was the "You...like your father...are now mine" line that was uttered by Emperor Palpatine in "Return of the Jedi." Heh. Now if I can only hook her on Call of Duty 2...

...

Anyway, I'm thinking about taking up writing. I've been reading this incredible book called Blue Like Jazz lately, and it's inspired me to write. So, I warn all you pour souls that read my blog, I may start doing that here... well...more of it than I have so far...

We'll see...

Growing old in my sleep

Once again, I lay staring at the ceiling last night trying to go to sleep. Nothing on my mind. Not ill (apart from some mild head congestion). Just...couldn't sleep. So, at 3 a.m., I got out of bed, took an Actifed, went back to bed, and...bam...out like a light.

So I slept. And slept. And slept some more. And got out of bed at 10:30 this morning. NOW I feel refreshed. First time in days. It's like my internal 'clock' is just out of adjustment by a few hours.

So I feel like a bum sleeping until 10:30. Except, it's still just a normal 7.5 hours of sleep. So I'll take sleep when I can get it.

...

In other news, I've got an XBOX 360 on pre-order. I've put some money down on it already and have been paying for it bit by bit over the past few months. Still, I'm beginning to debate the wisdom of it.

Being the ultimate gamer nerd, I just had to have one. I already play games on the PC, the XBOX, the Gamecube, and the PS2. I also have a Nintendo DS and a PSP. That's just too much. I already know I'm trading in the DS (and all its games) and a few PSP games. On the bright side, I purchased my XBOX and my Gamecube long after they were first released, so they cost only a fraction of their original price tags. Still, as I'm getting busier and busier with things like my job and parenthood, where could I possibly find the time to play ALL of them?

-sigh-

I'm just having this revelation that I'm really not a kid anymore. Okay, well...a big DUH to that. I guess I'm having a more realistic revelation that I'm not even a young adult anymore. My 20s were wonderful times where I was kid-free and still had the freedom (and a dash of irresponsibility) to act like a teenager when it suited me. Working with youth at a church in Birmingham didn't help that mindset much, either.

...

Okay, I'm not as melancholy about 'aging' as I sound. Though things have changed, I can't complain about being a dad at all. With all that responsibility comes real joy in watching these kids progress through the stages of their lives. And I'm sure my 'inner kid' will get lots of time to come out and play as Kailyn and Zachary get old enough to do things like sports and, yes, maybe even video games.

...

Oh, well...before I cancel my XBOX 360 order, I'm going to round up everything I think I can trade in first and see how much money Nick over at EBgames will give me for the lot of it. If I can make a dent in the purchase price AND get rid of the 'excess game-age" I've got here, maybe then it'd be okay to get the thing.

Maybe...

The subtle sounds of chaos

What's this strange substance falling from the sky today? It's like...water...

Rain? What's that? Oh, I remember rain. It's been so long, though...

Man, it's nice to get some rain. Everything's been so dry, so I won't complain about it at all.

...

Spent an utterly juvenile evening grilling out with Philip, Leslie, and Eli. Dave and Dana even made an appearance. We ate some great food and pondered why burgers that start flat when made turn into egg-shaped meatwads on the grill. Then Philip, Leslie, Stacey, and I played some Burnout 3 on the XBOX.

Heh...right now (as I type this), Kailyn and Caleb (Leslie's son) are playing Burnout. Now THAT'S pretty dang entertaining. After watching us play a while, both of them begged to play, so we let them. What's really scary, is both of them (and they're both 3 years old) are doing better than Leslie did...LOL. Well, I think Kailyn's laptime did actually beat Leslie's. (On a side note, Leslie did reassure us that she drives much better in real life than in a video game...though she did okay in the Burnout's "Crash" mode... Go figure...heh).

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I guess tonight was a pretty good way to end what turned out to be a busy weekend.

Improbability...

Okay, sorry about the political rant yesterday. I hate politics. I hate talking about politics. Every now and then, though, I read something that bothers me...and I have to vent. So now that's out of the way, maybe I won't do that again for a while.

...

Anyway, I was driving down Modaus Road the other day staring at the old farm equipment that sits in a cotton field (at least, I think it's a cotton field), and I suddenly had a weird thought...partly motivated out of the irony that a city-boy like me now lives in a town that has things like farm equipment and partly because I just think about weird stuff when I drive.

My weird thought was this: Why am I here? Not the same old question with emphasis on the why, but with emphasis on the here. And I don't just mean Decatur. I mean...why am I here...in the body of a 34-year-old white male in Alabama in America.

Bear with me...it's just curiosity...but I wonder sometimes why God elected to stick my soul into the body of the baby of two white parents from Atlanta in the year 1971 in the United States. Why I think about this is just a weird curiosity that asks questions like: What if God had put me in, say, a life of a child with Hindu parents in India in 1831. Or as the daughter of an American Indian in 1745. Or the son of a Buddhist in Tibet in 1430 (or whatever Tibet was called back then)?

I was born healthy. Early, but healthy. I've lived - so far - a healthy life. Though we never had a lot of money, we never struggled financially in any serious way. Overall, a pretty well-functioning family. Sure, we had hiccups in that function over the years (some big ones), but nothing worthy of Jerry Springer or even Dear Abby.

So...why?

I'm not much on predestination or anything like that. But I do wonder what I would believe in today had I been born into different circumstances. I must admit, it's easy to call myself a Christ-follower. Of course it's easy...I grew up with Christian parents, in a largely Christian nation, in the Bible belt.

But what if I hadn't? Maybe I'd be a Buddhist monk right now sitting in a Temple on top of a snow-covered mountain. Or maybe I'd be a die-hard atheist in New York City. Or a severely mentally-retarded person unable to comprehend lofty stuff like religious principles.

Had I been born in different circumstances, would I be blogging about Christ right now? Or Mohammed?

What if?

I guess my point is...to really know why I believe in the things I believe in. Do I believe because it was simply handed down to me? Or do I believe because I really and truly feel convicted about the truth of what I believe? Those are two different reasons. One is choice. One is mindless action.

I guess all of us need to examine why we believe the things we believe. Either make it our own or reject it, but do anything but follow blindly. It's something to keep in mind, also, as we seek to dialogue about beliefs, too. Few things are more frustrating than conversing with someone who adamantly sticks to some belief...and it's obvious they only believe it so adamantly because they've never even questioned the validity of it.

Over the years, I've looked at my beliefs...my faith. I've questioned it. I've even sought to gain an understanding of other religions and philosophical stances. I've even stood ground on a hybrid belief of Christian principles and agnosticism back in my very early college days (when I was first exposed to different ideals from my own). But I've always come back full circle to believing in the Christ. To seeking to imitate him. To believing that the things he said were true. To believing that He can somehow save me. And I've done this after scrutinizing (and separating) all the crap that Christians have piled onto this person Jesus over the years.

...

More than this. It's not just the sum of ideals I've grown up with and investigated. It's not just the intellectual pursuit. I think that's part of it, but maybe just a beginning.

Lately, I read a writer who voiced a clever understanding of religious intellectualism. He said something like..."I know Christians who can prove God exists. I know others who can prove God doesn't exist. But the dialogue is not about God anymore, anyway. It's about which person is smarter than the other." God is lost in the 'proofs.' It's about what you can prove...what evidence there is. But, as this writer says, "What can any of us really know (according to our 'intellect'), anyway?"

In the end, God is real to me because I know him. Not as a the sort of nut who also believes in Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. I'm not trying to prove to anyone reading this that He (or the Tooth Fairy) exists, either. But I have to say, I've met God. I didn't shake hands with him. Nor did he tell me which stocks to invest in. I couldn't tell you if God is a man or a woman...or if he has blonde hair or brown...or if he's a Tennessee Titans fan or not.

But I can tell you that this great, un-name-able God has done some amazing things in my life. I've experienced him, though I can't prove him absolutely.

For me, that's enough. And I can only hope that other people can find that experience for themselves.

Is anyone else tired of politics?

I am.

I'm sick of it. I just got done reading about the Democrat-led closed session of the Senate that happened today.

That was the cherry on top. The straw that broke the camel's back.

In a time where we've faced some very real crises (war, natural disasters, economic crises), you'd think leaders would find a way to unite and solve problems rather than divide and create more.

It's one scandal after another. One reported failure after another. Attempt after attempt to lay blame for the world's problems on any number of individuals. Bickering over supposed wrongdoings that most people didn't even know (or care) was wrongdoing in the face of so many bigger problems.

Was the Katrina response lacking? Yes. Was the info that led to the Iraq war faulty? Yes. Is a CIA security leak bad? Yes.

And these issues need to be dealt with. The people who are responsible need to be dealt with so that things like this don't happen in the future.

But all this stuff I'm reading about...it's not about problem-solving. That would be a good thing. What I see is partisan "posturing": Democrats and Republicans alike using current crises to advance their own political agendas. The Bush administration is hurting, so, naturally, it seems like the Democrats just want to finish it off. Like a witch-hunt for conservatives. Even the rumors about Bush that flew after Katrina hit (i.e., he didn't repond because he's a racist) throw insult to injury when a nation's hurting enough already. Never mind how all this is screwing things up even more.

I've heard radio shows lately, too, that indicated that Republicans aren't playing nice, either, though.

This is my plea to our government...our leaders: Enough is enough. The average American is facing enough already. Quit using crises like hurricanes, wars, or scandals to advance your own selfish political agendas.

Be honest. We like honest leaders. Enough scandals. Enough lining your pockets. Enough hogging the spotlight. Enough blame. Enough partisanship. Enough with the witch hunts. Enough with corruption.

I want to see all sides quit crucifying each other. As an average American, I think it's safe to say - for many of us - that we're sick of the bickering. We're sick of the posturing. We're sick of smear campaigns. We're sick of the lack of cooperation (a cooperation that was so refreshing when we saw it right after 9/11).

Is it even possible that you guys could work the problems without creating so many more?

Enough already.